Laugh a little
Rodney Dangerfield lines:
- A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went right over... and nobody was home!
- During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel!
- One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I asked him, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
- It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
- I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a radio and a toaster!
- I was such an ugly baby, my mother never breast-fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
- I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
- I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror and I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect!"