Laugh a little
This year, on the shabbes before Rosh Hashana, they decide to give him the honour of an aliyah and the shul’s gabbai goes over to him to tell him of the decision.
But Morry panics. "Oy vay, I just can’t do this," he says to the gabbai. "I can’t read Hebrew properly and I’ll embarrass everyone when I try to read the blessings. Please give the honour to someone else."
"But Morry," says the gabbai, "you must accept some kind of honour – after all, you are the shul’s President."
"I understand that," says Morry. "Is there some other kind of honour that doesn’t require me to speak Hebrew?"
"How about gelilah?" replies the gabbai.
"What is gelilah?" asks Morry, looking puzzled.
The gelilah gets involved just after the torah is lifted at hagbah," replies the gabbai. "As soon as the torah is lowered, the gelilah puts on the cover, breastplate and crown. The gelilah can then sit down - his job is over."
"Well that seems fine to me. I can handle that," says Morry. "It’s a deal. I accept."
Fifteen minutes later, it’s hagbah time and Morry is up there waiting for the torah to be lowered. He then puts on the cover, breastplate and crown as instructed and goes back to his seat feeling very pleased with himself. The gabbai immediately goes over to him and whispers, "Morry, I didn’t mean on YOU, I meant on the torah!"